Day 6: Single and happy (lol)

This is no longer a 30 days writing challenge, but could be a 30 weeks instead 😂 hehehehe but I will not pressure myself, it’s not like this challenge is a homework~

This topic, though. I wonder what if someone’s doing it when they aren’t available?

So, single and happy. The way it’s written is like trying to put some self-reassurance because no one wants you. Lol OK. Obviously, I’m single. Happy? Oh yes! I’ve been single for…5 years, if the last RP relationship is considered. 7 years, if only the first one is considered. 22 years, if none of them are even being considered at all 😂 sometimes I got confused when someone asked me whether I’ve been in a relationship or not. It’s like I want to say yes and also no at the same time.

I really don’t know what I should write regarding this topic, so I will talk about something, but it kinda fits with this topic okay. I just got news that one of the girl I respect soo much (and also envied sooo much) is going to get married this Friday. And her partner is no joke. He’s very popular a year ago, and he still is. They deserved each other. Soulmates are the mirror of one’s self, indeed…

She was my crush’s crush (?) Idk who liked who first, but they returned each other’s feelings. I was sooo hurt and full of envy looking at their askfm, and their photo together at graduation day was the cherry on top. I also happen to know that they didn’t have an official relationship, but committed to each other (wow, that’s so 2015). Just like that, my high school crush is fading~

I swear I’m not here to gossip about their relationship hehehe. Years later, I found out he has Instagram, but they didn’t follow each other. Meanwhile, I’ve been following her (and she followed me back, yay!) and had been mesmerized with everything she achieved. I forgot all the envy I had, and started adoring her (although she never knows). She is an introvert, as well, but she’s not like an introvert…well not saying that introverts can’t do cool things but…she’s sooooo coool! I kept thinking if I were a man, I would totally have a crush on her.

And here I am today, still shook by the current news. I always thought that she’d end up with a cool guy, but I never thought to be THAT level of cool. I mean, she’s cool and definitely on the same level, but he’s soooo popular and I guess I was just surprised that someone I know will get married to him and not someone I don’t know. (what am I talking about…)

Following the news, I reflected myself a little bit. My type was always an extrovert. Or at least, someone more extroverted than me. What if I never meet my ideal type because then we had to meet in an organization or gathering or something like that, but I didn’t because of my introverted nature, and then he falls in love with someone else, someone who is also an extrovert? :(

That is why I always get so insecure with outgoing girls. I always thought ENFJs (there, I said it) guys, or extroverted guys in general, will always prefer girls with similar personalities as them. Charming, social butterfly, outgoing, girl-crush type. Well maybe some prefer quiet types, but not my level of quietness and awkwardness. Bitter truth, it only happens in movie and drama. (The reason I liked Kimi Ni Todoke so much..)

Of course I’m trying to embrace myself, going out of my comfort zone, and not making excuses of not doing something because of “my introverted nature”. I’m trying, okay. Sometimes I wanted to be in love, but I guess I was just lonely at that time. I already know the solution though: keep my mind occupied!! Play kalimba, watch movie or cheesy drama, write like this, fix my portfolio, etc. Maybe when I got some work, that’d also very helpful. When your mind is occupied, you keep a productive behavior. And that helps preventing you to fall into mellow state. That’s what makes you single and happy! Yay I’m drawing the string! 😂😂😂

To end today’s challenge session, I’m going to attach a quote I loved (and feel so relate to) from a very heartwarming movie, Little Women (2019). It’s inspirational, motivating, yet heart-wrenching at the same time…

“Women — they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts…and they got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as beauty. And I’m so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m SO sick of it!
But I’m s — I’m so lonely…”

🥺🥺🥺