Not my favorite August
August has always been my favorite month since forever. Well, probably not this year.. saying this in the 30th day. Probably the messiest day of the month (and I hope for the year as well.. I can’t bear a day that’s like this or even worse)
My dad was hospitalized (again). I had to witness quite a traumatic experience as I was ordering the car. My whole body was shaking. Just a few hours earlier, I was waking up feeling quite motivated and finished some of my projects.. when that happens.
We rushed to the hospital afterwards. I managed to bring quite the necessity, and I thought it’d be just a few hours, like two weeks earlier. Well.. I was terribly wrong on that. I waited on a total of 10 hours. 2 hours waiting, my emotions started to climb onto its peak. I had to held on my crying for many many times. Because just last night, I had a grand plan with my friends to go to the beach, river canoeing and mangrove planting. I was really really looking forward to that day.. that wouldn’t happen in the near future now. I also can’t focus doing my deadlines.
I was really angry. But I don’t know where or who I should be angry to. My initial feelings are directed towards my dad, where I thought my plan wouldn’t be ruined had he take care of himself and what he eat. I also kind of being aloof to my mother, even when I knew she had it harder. I got real worried if this continues until LD and I won’t be able to go see them. I got mad towards everything and everyone. When my sister caught me holding back my tears, I said I had a dysmenorrhea. Well that’s true too, just not the main reason.
I was told to go home and take care of everything that’s abandoned just before we left. Well here I am now at home, finished the spinach and about to do my deadlines. I took a shower and put my nice body lotion. I’m dead sleepy but I don’t know if I could, or should, sleep right now. I started to cry on the way home, and pouring all my tears just right after I got home. Indeed, a good cry is all I need for this day…
That’s it for today… I really hope for the best, that everything gets better tomorrow and ever…