“Under the weather”
I just discovered a new part of me, that weather do affects my decision. This realization was led by a post I read days ago, about how gloomy days affects her mental and how she learned to not make decision during those days. Initially I thought “Oh, such things exist.” Looking back now, turns out I’ve had them for at least 3 years! So, since 2020, may go back even further. And it’s specifically in January.
I don’t dislike rainy days, actually. What I dislike is the contrast between unimaginable heat before the actual downpour. My body and mind don’t react well to that. Days ago, my spirit completely turned off because of the heat. I don’t feel like doing anything. You feel very hot on the outside, yet your body is shivering. Or vice versa.
It also affects my mind. Just yesterday, I wasn’t having my best day and the heat just worsen it. An impulsive thought suddenly went through my head, whispering “cut your hair!” and… that’s what happened. My long lost dream of keeping my hair long just disappeared like that. It has been that way since 2020… If someone proposes to me in January, I may accepted it out of impulsiveness. (not that there’s any… 🤣)
I saw the literal meaning of “under the weather” was sailors kept below the deck to protect them from bad weather. But I’m making my own definition of under the weather ahahaha. In my version, “under the weather” translates as my body and mind being influenced by the weather. Turns out my body obeyed the circadian rhythm. I’m happy with sunny days that isn’t too hot. I like being curled up in rainy days. I love taking trips back to memory lane at midnights. I pursue to be productive following the sun. But I hate fluctuating weather, because it gave me ups and downs as well. Resulting in me taking rather impulsive and drastic decisions. Yes, I will learn to control myself from being too happy and too sad and too impulsive once I enter these kind of weathers. Probably around September-January?
There’s also a term called January Blues. It refers to the empty feeling at January due to winter and (probably) some failed new year resolution. While we don’t have winter here, it also indicates the gloomy weather, which is similar with what I’m feeling. About the failed resolution, not that I have given up on mine already, but… yes, there are days where I feel really motivated about turning my resolution into reality, then other days I don’t feel like doing that. I know it’s a normal thing, having ups and downs in achieving your goals. So I try to not minding them too much.
PS: Anyway, I’m also under the weather as in feeling unwell. I believe it’s an accumulation of tiredness from Bandung trip, the contrasting weathers, and also not adapting to swimming environment yet. Wish me well!
PSS: I’m going through those times again.. with my magister thesis. I’m experiencing things I wrote here back then in 2020. Burn out, uncertainty, writer’s block, etc. Hey future me in 6 months, please tell me that I passed all of this!